Blinky
12-06-2002, 01:49 AM
http://www.townonline.com/byfield/news/opinion/mrc_colmvatlarge12052002.htmquote:Begging for a Segway
By Peter Chianca / At Large
Thursday, December 5, 2002
Like the rest of the world, I've been spending those long, logy days following Thanksgiving making out my Christmas list. This is what I've got down so far:
1) That electric shaver with the gel in it;
2) A Segway Human Transporter;
3) Socks.
Now of course, some of these items are obvious. For instance, who wouldn't want a shaver with gel in it? But you might wonder why I'm looking for somebody to buy me a Segway Human Transporter. Well, the main reason is, because I don't have $4,950 of my own money to buy it myself.
If I did, you can bet I'd have already reserved one of these babies from Amazon.com, the world's exclusive supplier of Segway scooters. Which makes sense, since the Segway is just the type of item you'd be likely to pick up while shopping for the latest Scott Turow novel, a cordless drill, "Spider-Man" on DVD and a copy of "The Sopranos Family Cookbook."
If you've somehow managed to miss the introduction of the Segway, it's billed as the "world's first dynamically stabilized, self-balancing human transporter." It looks sort of like a pogo stick with wheels, and smacks of something Luke Skywalker's less-popular younger brother would have to ride if Luke had dibs on the land speeder.
Granted, the product has some drawbacks. If you're going down the road at the maximum speed of 12.5 m.p.h. and it starts to hail, or a heron alights on your nose, or a guy in a pickup truck mistakes you for a mailbox and runs you over just for fun, that would be bad.
But if you can get past those things, the Segway offers what I consider to be one overarching benefit: It eliminates those spurts of accidental exercise you get when, say, walking from store to store, or your car to your house, or your couch to the refrigerator.
In fact, I figure if I keep my Segway with me at all times, like I do all the other items technology has made essential - cell phone, Palm Pilot, George Foreman Grill, etc. - I can pretty much avoid exerting myself in any way, ever. Not to mention the economy of cruising the mall at 12.5 miles an hour; just think how much more shopping I can get done than if I just shuffled through on my hopelessly outmoded feet. Plus, there's the added benefit of forcing salesladies to dive behind the perfume counter.
But riding a Segway Human Transporter isn't just about avoiding exercise, although as we all know that alone is worth the $4,950 easy. I figure it can also aid me in my professional life here in the newsroom, where I can use it while consulting with other employees. I can just picture my improved business interactions now:
Colleague: Oh, Pete, I was wondering if you could help me with this ...
Me: ZING!
Or:
Colleague: Pete, can you take a call from a screaming lunatic who says he's going to sue our ...
Me: ZOOM!
Etc.
And then there's the obvious benefit of getting to wear one of those cool bicycle helmets (preferably with side mirrors) pretty much all day long. All that would be left is for me to squeeze into a Spandex jumpsuit that looks like it's been pried off a Ken doll, which I can only hope catches on with Segway users as it has with those hip-looking bicyclists I always see weaving in front of my car.
So for the people who have yet to buy for me this season - you know who you are - I'm hoping at least one of you will take that $4,950 that would otherwise go to eggnog and get me a Segway.
Everybody else can use it to get me 900 pairs of socks.
By Peter Chianca / At Large
Thursday, December 5, 2002
Like the rest of the world, I've been spending those long, logy days following Thanksgiving making out my Christmas list. This is what I've got down so far:
1) That electric shaver with the gel in it;
2) A Segway Human Transporter;
3) Socks.
Now of course, some of these items are obvious. For instance, who wouldn't want a shaver with gel in it? But you might wonder why I'm looking for somebody to buy me a Segway Human Transporter. Well, the main reason is, because I don't have $4,950 of my own money to buy it myself.
If I did, you can bet I'd have already reserved one of these babies from Amazon.com, the world's exclusive supplier of Segway scooters. Which makes sense, since the Segway is just the type of item you'd be likely to pick up while shopping for the latest Scott Turow novel, a cordless drill, "Spider-Man" on DVD and a copy of "The Sopranos Family Cookbook."
If you've somehow managed to miss the introduction of the Segway, it's billed as the "world's first dynamically stabilized, self-balancing human transporter." It looks sort of like a pogo stick with wheels, and smacks of something Luke Skywalker's less-popular younger brother would have to ride if Luke had dibs on the land speeder.
Granted, the product has some drawbacks. If you're going down the road at the maximum speed of 12.5 m.p.h. and it starts to hail, or a heron alights on your nose, or a guy in a pickup truck mistakes you for a mailbox and runs you over just for fun, that would be bad.
But if you can get past those things, the Segway offers what I consider to be one overarching benefit: It eliminates those spurts of accidental exercise you get when, say, walking from store to store, or your car to your house, or your couch to the refrigerator.
In fact, I figure if I keep my Segway with me at all times, like I do all the other items technology has made essential - cell phone, Palm Pilot, George Foreman Grill, etc. - I can pretty much avoid exerting myself in any way, ever. Not to mention the economy of cruising the mall at 12.5 miles an hour; just think how much more shopping I can get done than if I just shuffled through on my hopelessly outmoded feet. Plus, there's the added benefit of forcing salesladies to dive behind the perfume counter.
But riding a Segway Human Transporter isn't just about avoiding exercise, although as we all know that alone is worth the $4,950 easy. I figure it can also aid me in my professional life here in the newsroom, where I can use it while consulting with other employees. I can just picture my improved business interactions now:
Colleague: Oh, Pete, I was wondering if you could help me with this ...
Me: ZING!
Or:
Colleague: Pete, can you take a call from a screaming lunatic who says he's going to sue our ...
Me: ZOOM!
Etc.
And then there's the obvious benefit of getting to wear one of those cool bicycle helmets (preferably with side mirrors) pretty much all day long. All that would be left is for me to squeeze into a Spandex jumpsuit that looks like it's been pried off a Ken doll, which I can only hope catches on with Segway users as it has with those hip-looking bicyclists I always see weaving in front of my car.
So for the people who have yet to buy for me this season - you know who you are - I'm hoping at least one of you will take that $4,950 that would otherwise go to eggnog and get me a Segway.
Everybody else can use it to get me 900 pairs of socks.